another reason to uproot and move to korea.
meet the man of my dreams kim hyun joong


my hyun joong oppa*!!!!
(*what korean girls call their older brothers or boyfriends in a cringingly affectionate manner)



the usual suspect said::

when a heart hurts this much.
there is only room for bare honesty.
and the lack of articulation.

i just never knew it could hurt like this.
certainly not from you.
i have been hurt before, lied to, betrayed.
i have been verbally abused, physically abused.
i have been called stupid, worthless, a fucking bitch. among many other things.
i have been spat at, punched, pinched, pushed, shoved.


but it just hurts the most because i always believed in you.
believed that you could never hurt me.
even if you did, it's always an accident.

i find myself subconsciously forgetting all the pain you have caused.
the forgiveness came easily, because i refuse to believe in any of your mistakes.
and when i dont believe that you could make any mistakes, they all cease to exist.
its like you are not capable of doing any wrong.

i built you up to be this perfect being.
caring, responsible, a pillar of virtue.
an unshakeable moral compass even in the face of temptation.
i must have mistaken you for a demigod.

and the most ironic thing about your intelligence?
its when you try to pull a spin on me.
you tried to play me.

so a mistake is not a mistake cos i didn't state so in the first place?
its like saying that murder is fine when no laws exist to categorise killing as not okay.

these things are instinctual. they hurt people.
betrayal does bring drama. because it causes pain, no matter how great or small the issue is.

just because i dont specifically say it doesnt mean there are no boundaries in place.
its not a matter of what i tell you not to do.
its about you knowing what you can do and cannot do, when you are in the position that you are.
you have your own mind to differentiate whats appropriate and what isn't
just because i didnt clearly demarcate right and wrong doesn't mean that you;re free to go wild.

things do not work this way.

its no longer a case of black and white which you stated.
so you think that now i've called your bluff, you will simply get another chance to play by the new rules? the forgiveness will just set in and work its magic? erase my memory as it usually does?

i look at your sleeping face and i know if i allow this erasure to happen, oh yes it will happen.
chances are, i will probably allow it and we'll be back to our usual mode of bliss.

but for now, before i forget.
you need to know this.

that no matter the invisible boundaries.
whether you knew better or not.
your actions, your words, your lack of respect.
all of that have hurt me.

the tears wrote off the credibility of my argument.
they made you think that you were on a higher platform and that i was just in a fit of hysterics and crazy behavior equates illogical thinking.

lets not over-analyse.
basically, what you did was fucked up.
cos if i did it, you'll be fucked up too.
simple logic for you.

whatever line of argument you brought in, doesn't matter at all.
cos at the bare bones of it all
you fucked up.

yes dude.
YOU FUCKED UP.
and so you fucked me up.
you hurt me with your actions, justified or not.



simple common fucking sense logic.
yes?

that's all.

the usual suspect said::

my senior alvin sent me this today.

Edgar Allan Poe's Visit of the Dead

* * * *

Thy soul shall find itself alone —
Alone of all on earth — unknown
The cause — but none are near to pry

Into thine hour of secrecy.
Be silent in that solitude,
Which is not loneliness — for then
The spirits of the dead, who stood
In life before thee, are again

In death around thee, and their will
Shall then o'ershadow thee — be still
For the night, tho' clear, shall frown:
And the stars shall look not down
From their thrones, in the dark heav'n;

With light like Hope to mortals giv'n,
But their red orbs, without beam,
To thy withering heart shall seem
As a burning, and a ferver
Which would cling to thee forever.

But 'twill leave thee, as each star
In the morning light afar
Will fly thee — and vanish:
— But its thought thou can'st not banish.
The breath of God will be still;

And the wish upon the hill
By that summer breeze unbrok'n
Shall charm thee — as a token,
And a symbol which shall be
Secrecy in thee.



so so exquisite.


my heartfelt condolences for those who have lost a mother, a most irreplaceable part of our being.
even as time heals our gaping wounds and these wounds cease to bled, it is a scar that will always remain and pain us till the end of our existence.
but they have gone to a better place, for the dead has vacated this sad desolated world of foolish mortals and our carnal petty bonds. they have risen above it all.

for those who are left behind, we will prevail, we will find new goals in life to better ourselves and create a new source of happiness, but you, my mother, my giver of life, you will always be my single most important reason to live, in our my own uncompromising terms.

to live uprightly and passionately.

throughout the course of my life, you are in every memory, even those formed after you are physically long gone.

you are in every tear, as i will always miss you and your comforting protection.

you are in every moment of this life, for you are in the blood coursing through my veins and you are in this mind and conscience that you have nurtured. what you have given will always be a part of me till the day i die.



i miss you mom.
dear ash, you wont get to see this, but i hope you know that you are not alone.

the usual suspect said::

gracie lou freebush
miss artful dodger
1986
st.nicks/cjc/nus theatre studies
//
Let each man exercise the art he knows.
Aristophanes

The drama is not dead but liveth
and contains the germs of better things.
-william archer

• mar
• sab
• vic
• vern
• cole
• e*an
• isaac
• bryanboy
• thesuperficial
• thesartorialist
• perez hilton
• sea of shoes
• karlascloset
• anonymousworks/

is this the real life?
is this just fantasy?
caught in a landslide
no escape from reality
open your eyes, look up to the skies and see
-queen

skin by lomographylove[:
inspiration: 001