i came, i saw, i erm, came.
so cute together.
oh the vulnerability.
everyone loves a slam dunk. wires or not.
cue lust filled sigh
will hop on a bus to KL in a couple of hours time when day breaks
then its a visit to the dentist and more visiting to do!
fantabulous or what?
beneath the metaphysical... here's a me moment.
im stuck in a rather bizzare paradoxical state of mind
where the push and pull factors to determine my gloom or glee just dance around me like fireflies
honestly, i just can't decide if im happy or unhappy.
it used to be so much more clear cut.
all i can identify is a void of emotions im experiencing
the contradiction of the logical good and bad = this liminal state of nothingness?
there are things to be happy about and some to devastate
funnily enough, some things that people take as the good may seem like bad news to others
aint that true?
pardon me while i try to articulate the vortex of emotions influx and over-psychoanalyse myself
common plan a:
we force out the bad (dont think dont speak dont remembr) and fixatedly concentrate on the good or what's left of us
somehow psychologically the bad persists in haunting our defences and sometimes, we crumble. then we pick ourselves up and dust it off.
we start over.
common plan b:
we could just guard ourselves as the clock ticks on, and gradually the pain fades away with the moving hands of time.
we still start over.
thing is, i am neither.
i cant start over cos its not over
i aint caged, nor am i free.
i feel pathetically and academically useless, yet confident and hopeful for what i can achieve in my art
im bored in the present, yet inspired by my imagination of the future
crazy crazy.
im just rambling, for i am confused with this imcomprehensible plataeu of strange stability
im buying time without a concrete idea in my head of where im headed
oh dear me.
*me in psychic limbo.
i know its getting dark in here, but i aint quite embracing the light
let me remain in my cocoon of tranquility for now
for it is neither real nor fake
right or wrong
tragic or blessed
its simply nothing.
being in limbo aint so bad you know.
for it doesn't hurt and that's beautiful to me.
gravity - john mayer
