Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning [:

Thursday, May 04, 2006

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.9
Mind:	5.3
Body:	5.5
Spirit:	7
Friends/Family:	5.3
Love:	7.7
Finance:	3.7
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

now you know.

donations are very much needed people.

and unlike the nkf scandal that is causin tt durai to be in some serious hot shit during this electoral season, one dollar outta every dollar donated will go to grace khoo and grace khoo herself entirely.
im too much of a bitch to share anyway.

i am not currently unemployed.

i am erm, freelancing.

spoon - thats the way we get by

the usual suspect said::

5/04/2006 10:09:00 AM :D

i am supposed to be jubilant/estatic/delirious with the well-deserved joys of post exam relief and the instant ushering in of my 3 month long holiday
like how they say the tough part always makes way for the sweet
and boy is it sweet, naysayers claimed

thing about me is
i never once experienced that kinda euphoria of having these bolts removed and chains lifted off me
even tho durin the tragic hours of toil and immense mental stress
i mustered enough positivity to channel my inner cheerleader to console and remind myself of the great sense of elation awaiting me
that cliche but effective "hang in there gracie its gonna be so great when its over" slogan
those who know me will understand how hard that act alone is
with the scathingly pitiful amount of positivity that resides in my emo-blackened veins

the date for happiness to creep by was 3rd may 11am, thats almost a fuckin day ago

walked out of the exam hall an hour early like everyone else
woohoo, one hour less to wait for the high to sink in

so i waited.
ooh hit me baby.
like hi, high!

nothing.
no high.

its ok, no problemo, must be shock.
go shoot the breeze with some smoking coursemates gracie be cool
i restrained myself with effortless dignity of cos
note to e*an, it has been like what 10 years since i last lighted up?
haha your one month prediction is invalid baby and its a good thing.

so i waited somemore.

ok im gettin irritated.
all i felt was emptiness and the provebial singaporean term to best describe this ambiguous feeling of nothingness and mild restlessness

i was bloody sian.

told myself to take a nap and maybe ill wake up refreshed and feeling mighty relieved that the nightmare is over
prosperity and delight come my way when i get this fatigue outta the way
wad a brilliant concept.

nap it was
in total it lasted seven hours
much to vic's amusement when i greeted her with a cyber yawn at abt dinner time

oh my god im still bored and feelin as empty as the space between jessica simpson's ears

what the fuck is going on goddammit?

so i consulted with the bestie
she said she was so relieved she cld jus pee and let rip a satisfied moan the moment her papers ended a few wks back

i asked the boyfriend
he told me i had sand in my vagina as he tried to blast his room mate's brains out (cs freaks these engineering boys are)
hence my inability to experience one of mankind's most pleasurable moments, a runner-up to the orgasm, which of cos ranks number one without contest

all my years as a born and bred singaporean that had and is still going thru the trials and tribulations of our punishing academic system and the bloody hated exam periods
i swear, i have never reaped that sorta post exam blood-rush-to-the-brain relief/excitement/rapture

from what i fathom, it must be some divine feeling
but all i felt was "sian", like a misfit teen stuck in some warped limbo

i need therapy.

or anything to get rid of the sand in my vagina.

what the fuck.

oh and my boyfriend is so so SO in love with incubus its making me jealous
on a song searching spree all weekend its so gay
yea hes that mad its queer.
hes queer, queer like me.

roadtripping

who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

day is long, goodnight

he agrees

uncle don's potent shisha swirls

our takashimaya flier giving cosplay disaster

his neck didnt threw up his face. all along it was the toiletbowl

my personal chef people, his specialty: pancakes before teeth-brushing

pretzel-sharing gay couple

ok i feel a wee bit better now.

still need therapy.

girl from mars - ash

the usual suspect said::

5/04/2006 06:54:00 AM :D

Monday, May 01, 2006

there is only so much pain and self beating one can tolerate
and there is only so low one can sink

when we get so scarred defeated and burn out
there only way to go is to heal and spectecularly rise above the ashes

when your shoulders get tired from the burdening guilt sorrow and pressure
you know i have my bony shoulders on permanant loan

freedom comes at a hefty price
liberation comes post-battle
victory comes after sacrifice

and the love others gave which is what you possess will pull you through

*

i lay in bed with the pretensions of fitful slumber
fuming with dejection and hot-headed frustration
a voice of weathered wisdom break the brooding silence
my half travelled life journey was recounted simplistically

the skippy child of uncontainted wanderlust
blessed with the gift of finding joy in the life's rudimentaries
her stunted capacity of tolerence clouds her better judgement in dark moments
her unrestrained displeasure holds no boundaries and spares no emotional survivors
her losses holds immeasurable grief and a lifetime of deep scars serve as grim totems

her rainbowed coloured world awashed in greys and blacks overnight
a sudden arrest of adolescent development spawned a painful mediation between juvenile rebellion, inter-generational reconcilliation and self discovery
her likes her dislikes her flaws her talents never compromised self-established in glaring conviction from the start
she opens her heart to reciprocal adulation with abandon and strangles the bitterness a dysfunctional union brings enclosed in her chest
openly jovial but deeply insecured she rations her trust in people with regrettable but necessary caution
miracuously she holds the power of using time to erase setbacks and the devastation of failure at the end of the day, sometimes weeks, sometimes months
but never years

the most respected person in her life sagely tells her beloved source of joy and the object of her future dependency:

i didnt hear what followed in the men's talk

for i have drifted off to sleep scattering hot tears upon the pillowcase
i have heard enough to know im blessed
one man who watched me grow up
the other man will grow up together with me
and a few girls that have walked long but never long enough beside me

a moment so beautiful i cant describe

and in this beautiful moment i listen to a timeless favourite:
run - snow patrol
radiohead's pablo honey/the bends (full albums)

the usual suspect said::

5/01/2006 10:45:00 AM :D