Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning [:

Sunday, June 20, 2004

caught in the middle.
never felt more fucked up in my entire life.
murphy's law
the combo of disbelief horror and heartache
ive been punk'd in the worst possible way
brutal and unbearable
im close to the point of wishing i was never born
waddefuck am i gonna do?
a war of nerves' wad im fighting

life has never been so hard

no outright apparent answer
a decision irregardless of right or wrong
no justification of choice
im the only person i can hate venomously

wad does that leave me with?

either way someones gonna bled
and i will bled with him

either way im gonna burn inside

two pairs of hopeful eyes
two pairs of gentle hands
ur heart is fragile and beautiful
innocent and pure like a newborn's
ur heart's been wounded and scarred
yet undying devotion continues its infection of pain

im cruel to erase everything we had and carry on without you
im also cruel to rob you of ur untainted heart and let it suffer a premature demise
how did i land myself in such an uncompromising position?

i dont know.
i reserve the purest of loathing for these 3 words
yet these 3 words grammatically expresses wad i feel

demons i wanna vanquish.
fears i wanna hide.
self reproachment i wanna shun.
anger i wanna dissolve.
faith i wanna rebuild.
confidence i wanna reclaim.
inner peace i wanna restore.

pick either a or b
cant.

the insatiable desire to just vanish from the face of the earth
to be gone without a trace
like the swirling sands at our feet no one pays attention to
if im gone i hope no one wld rmb my brief insignificant existense in their lives

memories are the equivalent to the weapon that cld inflict the most emotional torment

fuck.
either way one person is gonna hurt with me.

so i made up my mind.
its the best i can do.
i dont like my decision one bit
but there aint no other way to go about.

baby u noe i love u so
but i gotta let u go

the usual suspect said::

6/20/2004 03:22:00 AM :D

Monday, June 14, 2004

yupp sara. took ur words into serious consideration.
it wld be nice rather necessary that my man leaves me with his atm card hurhurs

heres a list of the nice things (note: not necessary)that i wouldn mind my guy doin:
-i am the first thing he thinks of when he wakes up in the morn
-i am the last thing on his mind when he goes to bed
-has to love dogs
-knows when im serious and when im just acting silly
-NEVER check out girls or their random body parts (the chest area wld be a mega no-no)
-has absolute disinterest in msgin other girls (cept the nerdy classmate to ask bout homework or the friendly lesbian mate)
-does not encourage implants
-makes it a point to escort me right to my doorstep
-when we're dining out, hes the one gettin the food and ill be the seat-reservator
-oh alrite. nice if he leaves me his atm card for me outta his own will
-shows at least a bit of appreciation for jay chou
-indulges and pampers me when im sick
-lets me bite him when im upset (or just plain bored)
-goes on long walks with me even thou hes feelin lazy
-enjoys visiting art galleries with me
-displays initiative and creativity (in various aspects if you know wad i mean)
-never goes clubbing without me
-enjoys the outdoors as much as i do (swimmin cycling tannin stuff like that)
-needs me incessantly
-adores me to death
-wants to kiss me in the morn before i brush my teeth
-grooms himself (separates the men from the boys)
-remembers everything i say (crap or not)
-likes doing housework chores as much as i hate em
-always plannin on romantic foreign escapades (holidays LA)
-kills himself should i die before him
-envisions a future together

nice.

the usual suspect said::

6/14/2004 01:35:00 PM :D

Friday, June 04, 2004

heres my review of the week.
eventful and honestly i didnt like it very much.
cept the part when i met sara wit sab

man its been awhile.
glad to see her lookin better den ever.
and the quirky traits still intact.
girl u have everything goin fer ya
and a man who leaves u wit his atm card?
think think.
depression aint no addcition darling
dont we all know?

but pain is.

got evicted from my crib last wk
the old man raided my stuff and voila! found my magic sticks
was a vagabond for abt 5 daes
and for the very first time in my life
i missed home.
even thou i had a roof over my head
sought shelter from my beloved ah ma
it jus aint the same

the smell of the place the feel of the sheets
no maddie to talk to before i fall aslp
cant out my finger to it but it jus aint the same
rejoiced when i was finally granted access again
not that it came without sacrifice

been living on a diet of cigarettes, diet coke and hacks sweets
doesnt do wonders fer the bod
or my health

runaway/runaway/runaway/runaway/runaway/runaway/runaway/runaway/runaway/
want to hold on to you
but you went away.

part of me still lives in you
preservation of the small shred of the dignity ive lost
lives in your fake prada wallet
im nothin but a remnant of a painful lost cause
let it burn
like how i burned you
and how you burned me.

amnesia = waking horror
slumber = unconscious ravage on my soul

pain and isolation so affectionate
manifestation of coldness
magnifying the distance between the world and me
i have to run
run away from here
i close my eyes
i close my head
fragmented memories of painful departure
in the jaundiced moonlight
im a vagabond
toothless ugly and weak
scavaging for the forsaken memories
hungy. angry. lost
help me string words together
capture colours from the rainbow
that has melted into oblivion
driven away by the darkness of my heart
i cannot paint that picture i want to paint
poisoned heart
encaged with pulsating thick black veins
cancerously embedded within me
repulsive to the touch
dont you even try
cos access is denied.

the usual suspect said::

6/04/2004 06:58:00 PM :D