Of all the things i've believed in
I just wanna get it over with
Tears from behind me eyes but i do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that i'm hearing are starting to get old
Feels like i'm starting all over again
The last few months were just pretend

And I said...
Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

I used to get lost in your eyes
And it seem that i can't live without you
Closing my eyes and you case my thoughts away
To a place that i am blinded by the light

But it's not right...

Good-bye to you
Good-bye to everything that i knew
You were the one that i loved
The one thing that i tried to hold on to

It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and whats mine
I want you but i'm not giving in this time

**And when the stars fall i will lay awake...Your my shooting star**

the usual suspect said::

chinese new yr = bah kwa + endless supply of f&n orange + angpaos + mahjong + wong feihong reruns + late nite movies

my my.
wad a potent combi.
im lovin it.
cheers to cny.




the usual suspect said::

Perfect love is rare indeed -
for to be a lover will require that you continually
have the subtlety of the very wise,
the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist,
the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint,
the tolerance of the scholar and the fortitude of the certain."

Rabindranath Tagore

love is baffling indeed. im sittin here pondering bout it. some say its pure and sweet but i think its tainted. cos its bittersweet. n sometimes it feels as if pain is love (quote ja rule). i keep thinkin. how can two ppl who love each other so much hurt each other so much as well. i love bk. no doubt bout it. but i give him so much shit as well. its a puzzlin thought which i cant seem to straighten out. are we the only ones struggling to keep our relationship afloat? or are we merely one out a million couples in this big world who are jus as foolish as us?
anywae bk n i had the usual fight of the dae again. (wads new?) maybe cos i as grumpy after another gruellin session of trainin. in the end we jus walked home in the rain. he in silence n me complainin non-stop. as tired as i may be, ive got this mouth dat jus wont quit. sometimes i really hate myself fer being the way i am. but when i lose my head its like i haf n control over wads comin outta my mouth. sighx.
both of us were drenched frm head to toe n i got him a shirt to change into. my baby looked so fly without his shirt on. hmmm i kinda forgot wad got me pissed in the first place already. heeh.

the usual suspect said::

im startin to be a frequent patron of the schs dinghy lil comps. i kinda like the keyboard too. the keys are like well... springy? its nice anywae. cept the standin part. they shud give us like those high chairs in bars n stuff. dat wld be real nice n it wld class the place up too. im serious. guess it mite as well be a nice experience since ill be stayin back in sch fer qt abit. trainin n stuff. i did my hw! -proud grinx- now im jus waitin fer trainin ta start. im kinda psyched abt it. hee. wad can i say? i love the game. cept the coach is givin me abit of a rough time. ive been away the whole of the hols so im realy abit outta shape. plus the j1s are pretty gd. its like if i dun work extra hard ill lag behind n man i dun want that. so i gotta work doubly hard now get my skinny lil ass back in shape. hur hur. oops. jus nice. the five mins i aimed to kill are up. im off to put in my daily 150. nort dat im complainin. grinx.

fuck i sound so over-enthu. grimaces. sheesh-kebabs.

the usual suspect said::

jay chou turns 25 todae!

happy bdae jielun!!!



the usual suspect said::

Got me looking, so crazy, my baby
I'm not myself, lately I'm foolish, I don't do this,
I've been playing myself, baby I don't care
'Cuz your love's got the best of me,
And baby you're making a fool of me,
You got me sprung and I don't care who sees,
'Cuz baby you got me, you got me, so crazy baby

.ben.jamin.i.l.u.



the usual suspect said::

yawns
im super duper tired. in sch like waaaay too early. cos bk's folks are outta town n i popped over his place like 5 in da morn! den we had breakfast tog n went ta sch tog. i drop off the 105 first n taa-dah! here i am. freakin 7am n im here using one of the sch's shoddy comps.
the screen is waaay too small. the sch shud definitely gettin bigger ones. i aint accustomed to it at all. like im squinting like mad. maybe cos im turnin into a blind ole bat. hur hurs.
i miss the dude already. n gettin up at 4.30 am fer him is totally insane. but the lil time pre-sch curriculum we hd tog was worth the price. even if its eyebags the size of lipton teabags. (or maybe the reality of such a beauty hazard jus haven sunked in yet. wth) if he doesnt mind. i dun mind. grinx.
i swear to god i wont be able to survive the next ardous six to seven hours. even if todaes an early dae. three n a half hrs of slp is hardly sufficient. n im the kind dat needs to clock a decent amt of snoozetime per day. -groans inwardly- i need a miracle.

do a lil dance. make a lil love. get down tonite+++




the usual suspect said::

I've seen a lot of things in my life
A lot of ups and downs
Made a lot of mistakes
No matter what you've always been by my side
You've always been my best friend

You're the love of my life
You're everything to me
You've never left my side
I love you so much
You're my best friend

Since the beginning of time, all you did was bless me
Too young to understand but now you my best friend
How could they doubt you, never think about you
Don't they know nothing's possible without you?
Faith without fear, that's how they raised me
Words of man kill but never phase me
Grateful for wisdom that you gave me
But still I'm like: "Dear God, I wonder, could you save me?"
Too much sinning, gotta be more than plush living
Gotta be more than grabbing nines to buck tin in
Gotta be more than just to lust women
Gotta be more than platinum Rolexes, 600's and crushed linen
Praise your name, I know some of them hate to do
Judgment day, don't they know they can't escape your crew?
I'm just trying to live right and pray you take me through
And with this song, I dedicate to you
My Lord

Lord, you mean the world to me
Before I was born, you chose me
You always hear me when I'm calling
Even catch me when I'm falling
You're the closest one to me
I surrender all to thee
I want the whole wide world to see
That we've always been and we'll always be
Best friends

Sometimes I reminisce and wonder how I made it this far
Because of you, I'm me, so you the real star
Your hindsight, the time's right to get my mind tight
Then give it to you and let it shine bright
My best friend only know how to teach the truth
Plant the seeds of life and let them eat the fruit
Can't you see that He spread love for you
Shed blood for you, cry for, and die for you
Willies with Mac millies know how you get down
We know the drama you bring whenever you hit town
Just remember when you pray, God is love
Gracious, merciful, forgive even the hardest thugs
Life as we know it, it all begins with Him
Life as we know it, it all ends with Him
If I was you I would never try to pretend with Him
He might spazz and blow it, I'm best friends with him

Thank you Jesus
You always hear me when I'm calling
Always catch me when I fall, yeah
I surrender all to thee
I want the whole world to see
That you've always been, you'll always be
My best friend
I love you Jesus
Thank you, forgive me for my tresspasses
As I forgive those who tresspass against me
Thank you!

best friends- p.diddy

ilu.mar.

the usual suspect said::

i cant blog as much as i like. which is pretty annoying. thanks to sch my days are like jam-packed. its netball, tons of hw n depressingly long time-tables. poor chok. 5:10 on BOTH thurs n fri. so poor thing. so brother!!! are we ever gonna buy shoes tog?


was talkin to chok on msn...
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
u need stamina in future
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
how to do IT if u dun haf the stamina
chok_sing_ping@hotmail.com says:
ill let my wife do de work
chok_sing_ping@hotmail.com says:
HOHO
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
heh? how to let ur wife go to NS fer ya?
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
u need stamina in the ns
chok_sing_ping@hotmail.com says:
cheyyy
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
u dirty old man wad were YOU thinkin
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
hahaha
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
so hum sup
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
hahaha u fell right into my linguistic trap
spin ard one more time n gracefully fall back in the arms of grace says:
heheh
chok_sing_ping@hotmail.com says:
i thought u meant household chores

hahah yea rite chok. u dirty old man. eeks.

anywae. yea ive been really busy. but i kinda like it. compared to the miserably long n empty holidaes. at least now time flies. prolly cos ive been buzzin ard all wk.

yest's friendly against tpjc: surprisingly. we kicked butt. yea balls. now i feel pretty gd. gotta work on my rusty shooting. like coach puva said. being a shooter is extra responsibility. promised jason liu ill put 150 in daily. gotta keep to that even if it kills me.

anywae mar's class is beside mine. so i get ta see her much more compared to last yr. fab ainnit? n i can give her apples on an almost daily basis. yay!

daphane's still irritating me. she keeps pestering me to takes picts of HER on MY phone. she crazy or something? -shudders- n point of information: she has hairy white thighs. -gags-

yay. the wkend is looming. bitches meeting up yea? fantabulous. all i gotta do is finish my hw now. im outta here! peace!

the usual suspect said::

szuz taught me how ta upload picts onto my blog. thank u beautiful. man u learn new stuff everydae. n fer an it idiot like moi. heh this mo of triumph sure feels gd. i did it all by myself. unlike my blogskin (thanks mar). unlike my tagboard (thanks vic). heh.

check this out ladies and gentlemen. gracie's list of this planet's hotties.


man he can sure rock dat body of his. i love his moves. fer dat mr jt is my number three.


everyone knows how much i adore jay chou. he appeals to me musically im sucha huge fan. public adoration aside, i dare say. hes lookin better by the day. this pict is enuff to drive me into premature cardiac arrest. darn hes hot!

and number one is....
im gonna be a bitch n make it a cliffhanger. heh. i do haf potential to be the next david.e.kelly huh? stay tuned folks.



the usual suspect said::

My Milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like "It's better than yours"
Damn right, It's better than yours,
I can teach you, but I have to charge.

I know you want it...
The thing that makes me,
What the guys go crazy for,
They lose their minds, The way I wind,
I think it's time...

(La-La-La-La-la)
Warm it up,
(La-La-La-La-la)
The boys are waiting,
(La-La-La-La-la)
Warm it up,
(La-La-La-La-la)
The boys are waiting


wad a dumb song.

im so bored at home. dun mean to sound like a lovesick fool but i miss bk. its like he jus left my place half an hour ago n im pinning away fer him. whoa. wad haf i done to myself? aeron is right. i am a lovefool. sighx.
aeron's great. i met him on thurs to exchange pressies. he gave me jay chou stuff. this autobiography in chinese. i tried my best to read the damn thing but it got me all crossed eyed. i wld say my chinese wld be ard the a or b standard but the old version of chinese words. my god. its mad it makes me hallucinate mans. sorry jay. sorry aeron. i cant do it. i really cant do it.
but the cd's great. thank u aeron. ur sucha angel.



the usual suspect said::

Blog Invitation Error

We could not find the invitation you requested. Please confirm that you copied the exact URL that was sent to you by email. Also note that an invitation can only be used once before it expires. If the invitation was sent to a mailing list, somebody else may have responded first.

vic vic vic. how?!

the usual suspect said::

ladies n gentlemen. my lovely lovely audience -takes a bow- im back! i can see my blog again! n my tagboard fer the very first time. fantabulous. i haven been bloggin this wk partially cos of the stupid frustratingly technical (which means its something unfixable u jus gotta keep ur fingers crossed n wait. which i did.) blogger cock-up. the other attributes to the crucial first wk of sch. like many others i was caught off guard. totally unprepared fer it it was like a sudden ambush. i was blown away n was runnin ard in circles. so many things to do. so little time. the acceleration tempo was all wrong. n when dat happens. ppl fumble. which is EXACTLY wad i did. result? little sleep. tons of hw. the potent combo of new assignments n old holidae hw. dats when u know ur fucked rite? well. i thank god fer the wkend. its when i return from the defeat of round one n collect myself. i osrt things out the best i can n prepare fer round 2. startin sch is like the silent cold n strong winds of death. it swiftly blows right smack into u n infiltrates u in the flash of light. it chills u to the bone and leaves u flustered. u panic. den u weaken. den survival is all up to willpower. works very much like poison. sch's like dat. survival is all up to ya. how well u deal with it determines the end result of whether u make it or not. u either reel from the crushing impact of sch's first wk of horror and let the rest of the yr go down the drain as well. and there's the OR. which is to put yourself tog n try to catch up. im tryin super hard to psyche myself into mode reorganisation but its a daunting task. did i mention dat it sucks too? damn its mount everestesque. but im gonna try anywae. -big sigh- easier said den done yea? shit.

the week? oh yesh. my week. i totally digress-ed didnt i?

the wk was frantically wonderful. really. now dat its over. (the sch part anywae) it all happened too quickly. like a warm rush over me. it slittered away as fast as it came i cldnt really absorb n identify wad choice of emotions i have felt.
mondae started off with a bang. it felt gd to see ppl again but things turned sour pretty quickly. i felt lost without lynn being in class wit me. i realised i haven been really close to any of my other classmates cept her jon n tim lim. sighx. but thankfully other ppl like fel rik sunita n hema were pretty understanding bout my situation n they sorta made my transition into 2t04 easier. PE was also on mondae. now i christen all my mondaes as murder mondaes. wad those crazyphucks can do to us poor innocent lil kids. anyone who wants to experience the high u get in concentration camp. cjc pe is definitely worth a try. n if dat weren enuff. there was surprise trainin. the perks of being mobile-less huh? -raises one eyebrow- dat nite i crawled home. nearly drowned in the shower den crept into bed. now im still aching all over.

i had ta prepare fer cca fair n it was all good fun. gelling wit my teammates as we paint the netball banner n stick up "join netball!" posters everywhere. fun! cca fair was pretty gd too. besides urging disinterested girls AND GUYS to join the cca, i was busy shootin hoops with the girls and ppl frm other ccas as well. kenneth, that 3 point shot was pure luck! n that impromtu game of street netball when everyone was packing up. it was so much fun. sorry if i sound too over passionate bout my cca. but i love it man! even if the chances of gettin major buttache at this yr's nationals are horrfyingly high. my team still rocks. n i felt sooooo jealous when emmy diana n yoda started swappin stories on the odac trip to m'sia. i really wished i went. damn the sup papers. big sulk. but anywae trainin has begun n im so excited. i love the game n we've got a pretty gd coach. n the future post-training games with the odac ppl. i absolutely cant wait.

downer of the wk: i gotta sit beside daphne the class outcast. she is like sooooo annoyingly overpassionate bout everything. shes eager to please, gets over-excited over the dumbest things n basically. shes the biggest loser on the entire planet. shes pure repulsion i can lose my lunch jus lookin at her. we 04-ers aviod her like the plague n miss giam put me rite beside her? wad evil haf i commited to deserve such a terrible fate? either im cursed or there's this concept i dreamt up. maybe i was hitler in my past life or something. or some mass murderer. now i hafta suffer such terrible damnation ala retribution or atonement fer my sins. wtf man.

***My 7th Month Anniversary!!!! ***
wad can i say? i love you so much baby. my source of happiness.

oh. oh. oh. n mar's latest piercing! her tongue. u biaaatch. totally opened the floodgates of my hidden sadistical perchant fer piercings. i want one now too!!!! honey now u jus simple sizzle more den ever. hot mama. my best friend. sabbie u too. n welcome home jin. glad ur back to complete the bitches. the bitches the bitches. beautiful creatures we all are. i love every single one of u. hehe.

whoa. dat was qt abit wasnt it? got many gd things n bad happenin this wk. n the wkend awaits. beautiful.


the usual suspect said::

somethings fuckin wrong wit my blog. i cant even see it. its like everytime i try to open it up it jus goes straight to the blogger sign in site. wtf. jus completed trainin n official day one at sch. im not in the sweetest of moods. n bk aint pickin up his phone. wtf. wtf. wtf. im pissed.

the usual suspect said::

i must be nuts. i watched two movies in a dae. in the afternoon after sch n the other one at the midnight slot. scary movie 3 (movie no.1) is dumb. ppl dun watch it. shame on myself. i saw scary movie 2 already. wad was i thinking??? urgh. got cheated twice by those boxoffice goofballs. but the company was gd so its aint so bad. n one thing is reaffirmed. skinny guy IS an idiot. n one of those who lusts after my best friend. sighx. i almost had enough of that. almost.
ju on 2 at nite (damn of those of sequel shits again) did scare the shit outta me. it wasnt dat great either. shame on me i got cheated yet again. who am i kiddin? the first one sucked n i helped myself to its second helping of faux horror films? this sound like a repetitional thingy again i discovered. OMG. double urgh.
okie. so both movies had sucky reviews, filmsy scripts wit no brainer developments, commercial driven directors and lousy actors whom i saw n instantly forgot their faces. lets not even explore the part where did their acting (if dats wad they call it these days) make an impact on me or not. so why did i catch em anywae? well. one reason is sch of rock sold out. hmmm. so scary movie 3 played a substitutional role. acceptable. as fer ju on, stupid bk and the fat sibling insisted on it. oh wells. that renders me one of those ppl who just wanted to watch a movie fer the sake of watching a movie. anyone out there agrees wit me? i find myself in that situation one too many a times. u jus gotta watch a movie. regardless of wad that movie is. it aint fab n u noe it. but u jus wanna go in there n chill in front of the big screen with the company u haf wit ya at that time. den u complain bout how it sucked n lament abt wasted cash after the average two hrs of showtime is up. now dat is beginning to sound awfully familiar. i think ive placed myself in sucha role at least a couple of a thousand times. and i think its a vicious cycle that happens to everyone. but wadever it is. movies are great n their invention should be celebrated. wad do u do when ur in town wit friends n jus slackin ard with no clue or enough cash to burn fer some meaningful recre? u hit the movies with popcorn in tow. n theres the scenario when ur on this hot date n u dun know ur date dat well. a movie will do just the trick. u dun hafta carry on a conversation n yet in the cosy background of a dark cinema n soft cushioned seats, both can soak in the romance of each other's presence. n after the movie, it can be used as a topic of discussion. nice yea. so hooray fer movies. artistical value of films is not the issue here wadsoever. maybe ill touch on it when i feel like it. grinx.

the usual suspect said::

i dunno why but i feel much better now. fer the past few wks i felt like i was chained n burdened. but now somehow i kinda feel free-er. like an uncaged bird ready to stretch its wings n soar rite into the endless sky. im so free im devoid of all emotional entanglements and fears. the constipated feeling of entrapment, like walls closing in on me has magically disapparated. wow. deep down inside i fully know the genuine reason behind this intoxicating euphoria im living and breathing. the harsh mental walls have been broken down. the chaotic emotional barries have been destroyed. all it took was the raw courage to face up to it. the willingness to put pride (urgh. pesky thing) aside fer the bigger picture (in application to my new yr resolution), the true spirit of sacrifice, the identification of wads truly important and the evaluation of wad i already have and wad im chasing after. i feel that ive grown and my vision has cleared, as compared to earlier on. im thankful fer the gift of maturity (sadly i din receive the full combo. but a lil of it now will do jus as well) i saw wad was worth holding onto and wad was meant to be abandoned. i really do know now.

*goodbye to the old me.
hello to the new me.
im free like a birdie*

You could be right and I'll be real
Honesty won't be a pain you'll have to feel
'Cause I don't need your approval to find my worth
I've been trapped inside of my own mind
Afraid to open my eyes 'cause of what I'd find
I don't want to live like this anymore

There goes my pain
There goes my chains
Did you see them fall
There goes this feeling that has no meaning

There goes the world off of my shoulders
There goes the world off of my back
There it goes

Does it scare you that
I can be something different than you
Would it make you feel more comfortable if I wasn't
You can't control me
You can't take away from me who I am

There goes my pain
There goes my chains
Did you see them fall
There goes this feeling that has no meaning

There goes the world off of my shoulders
There goes the world off of my back
You can't change me
You can't break me

There goes the world off of my shoulders
There goes the world off of my back

Have you ever felt that your only comfort was your cage
You're not alone
I have felt the same as you
Have you ever felt like your secrets give you away
You're not alone
I have been there, too

Everyone is looking
and everyone is laughing but I think everyone feels the same
Everybody wants to feel okay
Everybody wants to
Everybody wants to feel

There goes my pain
There goes my chains
Did you see them fall
There goes this feeling that has no meaning

There goes the world off of my shoulders
There goes the world off of my back

'Cause I don't want it
I don't want it
You can't change me
You can't break me

There goes the world off of my shoulders
There goes the world off of my back
There it goes

quasimodo --- lifehouse

the usual suspect said::

hmmm. i woke up at six PM. still reeling from the events of the previous nite. wad an awesome countdown i had. my very first with bk and my cousins. it was sucha beautiful nite.
we went chijmes n it was salsa nite. damn i dun noe a damn thing bout it. but den i bet half the party ppl there doesn as well. that made everyone throw caution at the wind n we jus got down n dirty. who gives? we all jus "salsaed" the nite away it was perfect.
after that we walked all the way to the esplanade n sat there till sunrise swappin ghost stories n talkin bout our future plans n ideals. it was like bonding n bk was like one of the family. they all genuinely like him i can tell. we jus all had so much fun tog.
one more thing. all of us were pretty tite n the nite was spent most economically. self made subway-ish sandwiches with its condiments purchased frm carrefour. bless its ps branch. n alcohol was from the marketplace instead of buyin it from the party venue itself n rendred fools. n u cant call me cheapo. cos i aint qualified fer dat. i was purely flat broke.
now the thot of it over n done with, its silent evaporation as the time passes the whole world by has gotten me thinkin this. wouldnt it jus be so wonderful if we can stop time? if only we cld preserve that one special moment n all the delirously delightful fusion of emotions dat was surging thru our veins at the one special moment. but dat is also scientifically impossible to attain. bummer. but one can argue. there are memories to be etched deeply in our minds. memories is indeed the best we can haf. its close but not completely perfect. the human mind can harbour bad memories dat leave u permenantly scarred fer life too. it cannot filter the gd from the bad. there aint sucha thing as perfection. so why am i dreaming abt it in the first place? my new yr resolution may be to overlook or embrace the lil acceptable flaws dat comes with absolutely everything in life. or ill jus be the sole culprit of makin my life miserable with intense focus on the lil spoils of life. in other words. always look at the bigger picture.

the usual suspect said::

::When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me::


..new.yr.new.beginning.i.love.ya.baby.b..

the usual suspect said::

gracie lou freebush
miss artful dodger
1986
st.nicks/cjc/nus theatre studies
//
Let each man exercise the art he knows.
Aristophanes

The drama is not dead but liveth
and contains the germs of better things.
-william archer

• mar
• sab
• vic
• vern
• cole
• e*an
• isaac
• bryanboy
• thesuperficial
• thesartorialist
• perez hilton
• sea of shoes
• karlascloset
• anonymousworks/

is this the real life?
is this just fantasy?
caught in a landslide
no escape from reality
open your eyes, look up to the skies and see
-queen

skin by lomographylove[:
inspiration: 001